Eliana’s Birth Story

Jordan and I wrote this together the week after Eliana was born, while it was still fresh. My writings are in black and his are in blue.

The estimated due date for Eliana was July 8, 2019, however, I don’t fit the normal 28 days cycle so I knew we’d be going a bit longer than the estimated due date. I wasn’t surprised that she still hadn’t arrived at 41 weeks + 2days. At this point, though, I was required to go in for routine testing to check on the baby. At that time they didn’t see sufficient embryonic fluid around the baby so they decided it was best that I stay and we induce the labor with pitocin.

The nurses were actually fairly alarmed/concerned about this at the time; seeing no embryonic fluid meant either there was none, which means the baby hasn’t been getting enough nutrients for an unknown period of time, or that there was still some fluid there, insufficient to be viewed during testing. 

I wasn’t thrilled about being induced, we had just convinced them to let us wait until July 23rd to induce based on my extended cycles.

We had started the testing at 10:30am, they let me eat and started the pitocin around 4pm. I had steady but mild contractions from around 4pm – 10pm, which we mostly relaxed and napped through. At 10pm the contractions woke me up. They still weren’t terrible but enough to keep me awake. We walked around for a while to help keep my mind off of them.

Already this was such a different experience from Milly’s birthing.  Looking back at the relaxation techniques that we learned from the Hypnobirthing material we had studied, it’s clear now that these played an important role in the process.  This is not to say that we could’ve changed Milly’s experience, I’m not sure of this; the pain came so quickly and strongly.  But what we saw this time around is that when Danielle fought the pain and was filled with fear and stress, her body would tense up and she was quickly overwhelmed.  But by using relaxation techniques she could cause her mind/body to react differently to the pain, and erase the natural response of fear and stress, replacing it with peace, faith, and patience.  I fully believe this played a role in making this a positive experience, and enabling us to have peace through the suffering.

Around 11pm the contractions became very strong. I was no longer able to talk through them and the back labor had returned in full force. We tried a few techniques to turn the baby and reduce the back pain. The first thing we tried was the “lift and tuck” method espoused by Spinning Babies. This involved using 10 contractions to push my pelvis forward while Jordan pulled up my belly to give the baby room to turn. Next, we tried the peanut ball, laying on my side and opening my pelvis wide, as recommended by the nursing staff and midwives.

While studying information about posterior-positioned babies it became clear that Milly was turned 180deg from optimal position.  90% of babies turn during labor, but Milly was not turning, and this is what caused Danielle the severe back labor, as well as the lengthy 6-8 hour stall at 5cm dilated without progress.  Perhaps this is how Danielle’s body carries babies, as Eliana was positioned the same way.  All of this understanding prepared us with exercises to perform during labor to help the baby to turn, and rotate herself properly through the birth canal.  Of course there’s no way of knowing how much these affected the outcome, but the results this time were vastly improved.

I was listening to my hypnobirthing tracks and trying to relax as much as possible but it was difficult. Around midnight, Ashley, the midwife on duty came in to check me. I was 5-6cm dilated. I was devastated. Before labor even started at 2pm I was 4cm and after all this time, hardly anything had happened. The contractions and back pain were intense and I felt like they had all been for naught. With Milly’s labor, I stalled at 5cm for at least 6 hours. I thought for sure I had another 18hours of labor ahead of me.

I quickly transitioned to real, hard labor. I don’t remember if I vomited before or after Ashley checked me, but it happened a few times from the pain. I remember being slightly concerned by the red hue, then thankfully remembering I had eaten tomato soup a few hours earlier. I changed positions on the peanut ball and this seemed to make the contractions angrier. I knew at this point that I had not been relaxing sufficiently during the earlier contractions and that this was impeding my progress. I focused as much as possible on relaxing through the pain. I didn’t think I could do it. Jordan had to remind me each contraction to relax and during each break to breathe and rest my body. His reminders were the only thing keeping me going.

It was during this time I kept making the mistake of giving Danielle emotional encouragement.  She was smart and right to tell me exactly what she needed; it wasn’t emotional encouragement, but directional encouragement to remember the important things we had prepared for in advance for just this time.  Those things were relaxing her body during the pain, relaxing her mind/body between contractions to rest, letting her body do the work it was designed to do, having trust/confidence in her body’s ability to give birth.

After a while on the peanut ball, I knew I needed a new position. I convinced the nurses to let me take a shower as I thought warm water might help relax me further. I never made it to the shower. All I knew was that I needed to be upside down. I bent over in the bathroom on all fours and I couldn’t believe it but I felt the urge to push. I could communicate none of this. Instead, I let out this deep, low moan. It was the most visceral sound I have ever heard. I couldn’t believe it was coming from me. The nurse realized what was happening (thankfully) and asked me if I felt the urge to push. I nodded. They took me back to the room and, presumably, someone called Ashley to come back.

When Danielle responded to the positive about her desire to push, I was incredulous and thought Danielle was losing her senses from all the pain she was enduring.  But at the same time I positioned myself to catch the baby just in case.  The noises she was making sounded just like the documentaries I had watched before so I recognized them as birthing sounds, which interestingly were different than the sounds Danielle made while birthing Milly.

I climbed onto the bed on all fours, as that is apparently my preferred pushing position. Jordan continued to provide counter pressure on my back with each contraction, and I continued with my low visceral moans. When Ashley arrived to asked me to roll over so she could do a pelvic exam and see where things were. I had just finished a contraction and was breathing hard. Jordan asked if we could wait until after the next one. At the next contraction, Ashley realized that a pelvic exam was not necessary. I was pushing this baby out.

At this time I could see the top of Eliana’s head!  It was showing clearly now and I raced to tell Danielle, which just like Milly’s birth seemed to be a great encouragement to her.  This was really happening!!

With each contraction I could feel my body opening up. I remember feeling a slight burning sensation – I remembered that many women report this when they are crowning. I thought, could I really be that far along already? It was only an hour ago that I was 6cm.  Ashley told me to push with each contraction and to channel my energy down and to push the baby out. She told me if I reached down, I would be able to feel the head. I did. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I thought that what I was feeling was pushing the baby out, but I couldn’t believe how quickly things had changed.

I think after 3 or so more contractions, Eliana was out. It was like an out-of-body experience, but at the same time, it was the most in-tune with my body that I have ever been. I pushed for 7 minutes and she was born at 1:41am; this occurred less than 3 hours after I was measured at 5-6cm (only halfway to 10cm!). They passed Eliana to me and I laid with her on my chest until the cord stopped pulsing. Jordan cut the cord after a few minutes and we were all elated. Eliana nursed after only 20min earthside and we just enjoyed each other while the nurses cleaned up the area. The placenta came out a bit after that. I was surprised that I still had pain in my back but the contractions were much shorter, and I had my baby on my chest giving me all the cuddles.

I couldn’t believe how different this was from Milly’s birth. With the epidural, I could feel none of the pushing sensations. What really blows me away, is that at no point during the labor did I feel in control. Instead, my body was somehow communicating to me what I needed. It was like birth happened to me, instead of me giving birth.  When I felt the “urge to push” there was no mistaking it.  My body guided me to different positions throughout labor.

They say that women that give birth without pain relief end up “more satisfied” with their birthing experience. I had no idea what this meant. Now I do. The emotions that I felt after Eliana’s birth were extreme – pure bliss, joy, elation, like a high that I didn’t know was possible. I wrote this birth story on Day 4 of Eliana’s life. The joy that I felt at birth lingered for days, weeks even.

This type of birth experience is not always possible but I am so incredibly grateful I was able to experience this magical process once.

The Last One

Well, two years have come and gone. I can hardly believe it.

 

These past two years have certainly been some of the most challenging and rewarding, but certainly very formative. I am not the same person that I was when I left the States on May 1st, 2012.

 

Some of my favorite moments have been more or less mundane activities. Going fishing or to a farm. Playing with kids. Playing ultimate (obviously). Doing laundry. Cutting the grass. I suppose that’s because going fishing was really spear fishing river crawfish, doing laundry was beating clothes with a wooden paddle and I trimmed my lawn with a machete, not a lawn mower.

 

I’ve had a fair share of adventure as well. Like getting stung by a sting ray and getting infected with flesh-eating bacteria. Cramming myself and two 12-year olds on a bus that was already beyond-full and forcing them to sits on the laps of random adults so we could get to camp on time. Explaining to children what a “pool” was and that, no, you can not bring soap or shampoo in the pool to bathe. Explaining what a shower is. Explaining how to use hot water in a shower.

 

I’ve had a really difficult time trying to sum up the last two years into just a few sentences. Because the projects, the work, adventures and proud moments, they were all an important part of the last two years, but they aren’t the heart of the last two years. What I’ve learned is that everything we do and work for, all our seemingly large problems and achievements are actually trivial. What is important, is the relationships you have and forster and the way you treat other people.

 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

– Maya Angelou

The One for my Parents

Today marks the 30^th Wedding Anniversary of my lovely parents so in honor of that, this post is about some of the important lessons they taught me and how they have helped me in Panama.

 

1. Three Phases of Healing

For those of you that don’t know, my dad is a podiatrist, or a foot/ankle doctor. Before I could spell my own name he taught me to memorize the 3 phases of healing. Vasoconstriction, Inflammatory Stage, Remodeling Stage. And so in English, that means – 1. Stop the bleeding. 2. Send in relief/support 3. Remodel and rebuild. I will never forget that first lesson.

 

For all of those bug bites that got infected (and there were many), the time that the sting ray got my ankle, and all of the other physical injuries my body suffered, I always reminded myself that my body was equipped with ways of healing the wounds. Though antibiotics were nice occasionally.  But more than just physical healing, I think of this process often when problems arise, as they inevitably do.

 

2. Patience is a Virtue

This is a lesson my mom always tried to teach me when I would whine or complain. Although, she is one of the most patient people I know, she always said she wished she had more patience and tried to teach that to us.

 

Patience is a lesson I’m still learning in Panama and will always be learning for the rest of my life. Waiting for buses that come 3 hours late, or not at all (if its raining). Waiting for Panamanian Government Officials to come to meetings – when they show up 7 hours late. Or waiting for the water committee paperwork to be approved in the Ministry of Health, which took 9 months and I’m still waiting the paperwork I turned in to get a bank account. I am learning patience with people when they decide that “lines” at the cash register don’t apply to them. I’m learning patience with people that want to try to speak English with me but can’t say anything more than “how are you?”“Fine, thank you” and “I love you baby.” I’m learning patience with trying to figure out what comes next in my life. Patience is a virtue. For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

 

3. The One-Half Rule

I have been organizing sporting events since about the age of 8. I was one of the older kids in the ‘hood and somehow it always fell to my brother and I to get the neighborhood together. Growing up in the 90s/00s kids had a lot to compete against… the life-sucking energy of television and mind-numbing effects of video games were constant competition. But somehow we’d always manage to drag kids out of the house to play capture the flag, or basketball, or street hockey or whatever.

 

Anyway, I digress, the One-Half Rule. Dad always said that however many kids say they’re gonna come, assume that half of them will actually come.

 

That is the rule of life in this country. The number of people that told me they would come to my meeting, half of them show up. The number of kids that say they’re coming to Frisbee practice, half of them show up. The number of Peace Corps Volunteers that say they’ll attend a training… half of them show up. -.-  Well, at least I had been preparing for this for the past 17 years.

 

These are just three short important lessons that I’ve been learning for 25 years and I am sure I will continue to find new meanings in these basic teachings as I get older. I’m just lucky that I have such incredible parents to have started teaching me these valuable lessons :) Here’s to the next 30 years!

The One with Panamanian Politics

It’s presidential election time here in Panama! This only happens every 5 years, so it was a really interesting opportunity to experience.  The votes were tallied on May 4^th and the new administration will take over on July 1^st.  Now, as you all know from US politicians, election campaigns bring out the best in everyone. I would like to share some of my favorite billboard slogans. All of this is verbatim:

 

“I want your vote!” – Candidate: Uncle Sanchez

“Panama, there is only forwards, no backwards.”

“I will put more money in your pocket.”

“Water for everyone! Latrines for no one!”

“Darien, you’re in my program.” (Um, thanks for recognizing that we exist?)

“Never vote for the same people twice.”

 

I also feel that I should mention that there was a candidate (not for president but for a different position) that nicknamed himself “Obama” because he was black.

 

The whole election process is very… open. People hang flags and wear jerseys of the political party they are involved with. Furthermore, politicans are very openhanded with their funds. For example, a political candidate came to my community a few months ago and had, essentially a townhall meeting. Then he left a $100 bill (yes, a Benjamin) with the community leaders. And the community leaders showed it to everyone in the community. The politician also bought us all candy and soda.

 

Politicians are essentially just a source of funding for… ANYTHING. You can ask for water, sanitation, soccer jerseys (most common), a baseball stadium. They just throw their money at whoever asks, as long as they can put a big sign on it that has their name.

 

On the actual voting day, it’s was not something individual or private. Every main political party had a truck full of food at the local school (where everyone votes). There were 100 people just hanging out at the polls all day long, eating free food from whatever political party they belonged and watching people vote.

 

I also had a hard time distinguishing between parties. There appears to be very little discussion on ideology or philosophy and people seem to just vote for whoever they know. I mean, almost everyone has a cousin or aunt or something that’s running for office.

 

Another interesting tidbit; Panama has never voted for the same party twice. The polls suggested that this year might be different. The current president, Ricardo Martinelli, made his own party, Democratic Change, and they did a fair amount of work in Panama City:

 

Built a few bridges,

Put in a nice metropolitan park,

Constructed Latin America’s first subway system,

Implemented new city buses (aka NOT old US school buses, I think this is also the first country in Latin America to do this)

Introduced a $1 coin (humbly named, the Martinelli)

 

So…they did a fair amount in just 5 years. That’s not to say they were perfect. They basically ignored the rest of the country. But it’s interesting that hardly anyone talked about this progress. The current president, Martinelli could not run for re-election by Panamanian law, but he had a successor run and his wife was to be his VP. After they named Mrs. Martinelli as VP, the party took a dive in the polls and apparently could not recover. People felt that it was too much like a dynasty and that you’re not exercising your right to a democracy if you vote for the same person twice.

 

Anyway, the new president, Varela, is part of a party called the Panamenista, and is apparently very Panamanian. His slogan was “water for everyone, latrines for no one.” He also has an engineering degree for Georgia Tech… which makes me question Georgia Tech’s engineering program. Hopefully I’m just being pessimistic and Varela will actually work to provide these basic needs to the most difficult to reach Panamanians and not just focus on Panama City. We shall see…

The One from Indians to Cowboys

I have a new job.

 

In my last post (which was actually written 4 months before this one), Lajas had running water. The water committee has been infinitely more organized than I would have imagined, that is mostly thanks to the incredibly industrious and hard-working Eufemio Guaceruca, our water committee president.

 

So I applied to extend my service a few months to switch gears a little bit and go back to focusing on sanitation. I’m going to be traveling around the last few months essentially trying to find out if people are using compost latrines and their perceptions on using human waste as compost. I still collaborate with Lajas occasionally by phone and try to assist them in whatever way I can.

 

I’m now living in Meteti, otherwise known as the Dallas of Panama. I live with cowboys. I literally moved from living with Indians to cowboys. The muchachos here walk around in their cowboy boots and ride their horses around town. There are lasso contests. And rodeos. And a baseball stadium. This is civilization people. Well, kind of. I still only have running water every other day and phone signal has gone out 4 times in the last 24 hours.

 

I have an awesome roommate PCV that works in the school teaching English. She likes to sing Kesha, Adele and Mariah as much as I do, which I honestly didn’t think was possible. She introduced me to who I think must be the only Panamanian that 1) knows how to dance AND 2) can play Adele on his guitar. We had a little jam session the other night and it was amazing. His 12-year old brother actually improvised a traditional Panamanian typico song about us.  Absolutely incredible.

 

This is so different from the life I was living but I am definitely enjoying the change :) 

 

The One with the Running Water

Finally, water is pouring from the 50 taps that dot the community. Finally, potable water is available to 600 Lajas Blanqueños. Finally, one year and 6 months after living here, I can begin working.

I don’t mean that in the literal sense, I have been working, but the nature of my work has changed entirely. And I’m glad. My life before this was the endless pestering of the Panamanian Government to come through on their promises; it was kindly asking them to process their paperwork faster and making sure they hadn’t lost it; it was tirelessly frustrating. My job was almost entirely outside my community. Go to Panama, talk to the government, check on the status of legalizing the water committee, email, email, email, phone call, phone call, phone call. It seems many people like to dress up and go to work and few like to do their job.

Until now, we had not been able to catch a break. There was a problem with the original budget that had somehow not accounted for the connection of the pump to the electrical system. That took a year in and of itself to get worked out. Then there was the accidental machete-ing of an electrical cable. That was another nightmare. Then there was the flood, which brought its own mess of damages.

I am not so naïve as to think that this is my work or that this is the completion of a goal. This is just the beginning.

 

The One with the Adorableness

Well the river is slowly but surely going down, the rains have stopped and the summer is upon us. Ahead lie four glorious months of no rain, no mosquitos, and an omnipresent breeze that elicits a feeling reminiscent of being cold.

There will be damages from the flood, like the tapstand that broke because of a boat slamming into it, and the already-damaged electrical cable that spent a week fully submerged in water. But those things will have to wait. There’s not much to be done while the river is still going down to a normal level.

So in the meantime, enjoy these pictures of my kittens and neighbors.

The One with the Flood

So we are getting to the very end of the rainy season. Soon the summer will be here and it will not rain for at least 3 or 4 months. Unfortunately, the rainy season is ending late this year and the rain has not been stopping. The river that I live on has flooded over the banks and is encroaching on peoples houses. Our entire aqueduct is under water and I’m not sure that it will work once the river finally goes down. I was asked to leave my community until the river stops rising, which hopefully is soon. Last I heard from my community, the river had reached the very bottom of the stilts of my house (still impressively high, but my house is another 8 ft up so I’m not too worried). I’ve been in Meteti for the past few days waiting it out. Here are some pictures of what my community looks like (as of two days ago, when I left) … the river continued to rise after that.

this is the walkway between where I live and the main part of town… which I currently need a boat to get to. the water is over my head.

view from my house. normally the river cannot be seen or heard from here. Now I can do both.

My next door neighbors house, from my house.

There’s a flood indicator marker there. Under water. Somewhere.

You can see more photos on their fb page here – https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lajas-Blanca/178960802179020

 

Luckily the rise has been slow. As far as I know no one has been hurt from the flood. Supposedly the rain has stopped and soon the river should begin to go down. At this point the biggest problem is the fact that all of the pit latrines in my community are under water (thus they have contaminated all of the water we have to use to cook, wash clothes, bathe, and drink). All we can do now is pray that the river goes down quickly and things can return to normal.

The One with the Weird Things

So, after being in Panama for about a year and a half, you get kind of used to certain things. I didn’t even realize how much I had adjusted until my quick trip back to America in October. The following is a list of all the ridiculous things in Panama that I had completely forgotten were not normal.

 

1. Running. You know what people say to you when you go running in America? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s normal. You know what people say when you go running in Panama? “Can I run behind you so I can just watch your butt for the next half hour?” True story.
2. Customer service. I had completely forgotten that that existed. 
3. Music on buses. There is only one volume of music on buses and it is called Deafeningly Loud. Also, it’s called Tipico. Would you like to listen to some Panamanian Tipico? Trust me, you probably do not, but in case you’re a masochist – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY1z5_83fuI 
4. Music (cont’d). On top of the screaming and accordion playing by the bus driver, anyone that has an urge to listen to a difference screaming accordion song will play it, aloud, for all to hear, from their phone or portable stereo.
5. Appropriately sized seating. For some reason, all buses in Panama are made about half the width of a normal human butt. On top of that Panamanian women have some of the largest butts on the face of the planet. This means that every bus ride I literally have a fully grown adult sitting either on top of me or on half of my seat. I took a train in Philly and was pleasantly surprised to have zero adults sitting on me.

My trip home was a wonderful reminder of all the great luxuries that America has to offer! Maybe one day soon I will live there… 

The One with the Call for Addresses

GOOD NEWS! The nearby post office (an hour away) has learned how to send mail! It only took over a year! This has been confirmed by the arrival of a letter I sent to a one, Miss Holly Hodges, all the way in the US of A! 

One of the lessons I wrote about a few weeks ago was about appreciating the slow way to do things. I have been really blessed to receive some wonderful notes, cards and care packages from family and friends and I have been very, very bad about returning the favor. To that end, I’d really like to focus on writing letters in the coming months. If you send me your address (email: danielle.renzi at gmail.com) I will write you. I plan to write at least one letter a week, until I run out of addresses… or things to say. Whichever comes second. :)