Jordan and I wrote this together the week after Eliana was born, while it was still fresh. My writings are in black and his are in blue.
The estimated due date for Eliana was July 8, 2019, however, I don’t fit the normal 28 days cycle so I knew we’d be going a bit longer than the estimated due date. I wasn’t surprised that she still hadn’t arrived at 41 weeks + 2days. At this point, though, I was required to go in for routine testing to check on the baby. At that time they didn’t see sufficient embryonic fluid around the baby so they decided it was best that I stay and we induce the labor with pitocin.
The nurses were actually fairly alarmed/concerned about this at the time; seeing no embryonic fluid meant either there was none, which means the baby hasn’t been getting enough nutrients for an unknown period of time, or that there was still some fluid there, insufficient to be viewed during testing.
I wasn’t thrilled about being induced, we had just convinced them to let us wait until July 23rd to induce based on my extended cycles.
We had started the testing at 10:30am, they let me eat and started the pitocin around 4pm. I had steady but mild contractions from around 4pm – 10pm, which we mostly relaxed and napped through. At 10pm the contractions woke me up. They still weren’t terrible but enough to keep me awake. We walked around for a while to help keep my mind off of them.
Already this was such a different experience from Milly’s birthing. Looking back at the relaxation techniques that we learned from the Hypnobirthing material we had studied, it’s clear now that these played an important role in the process. This is not to say that we could’ve changed Milly’s experience, I’m not sure of this; the pain came so quickly and strongly. But what we saw this time around is that when Danielle fought the pain and was filled with fear and stress, her body would tense up and she was quickly overwhelmed. But by using relaxation techniques she could cause her mind/body to react differently to the pain, and erase the natural response of fear and stress, replacing it with peace, faith, and patience. I fully believe this played a role in making this a positive experience, and enabling us to have peace through the suffering.
Around 11pm the contractions became very strong. I was no longer able to talk through them and the back labor had returned in full force. We tried a few techniques to turn the baby and reduce the back pain. The first thing we tried was the “lift and tuck” method espoused by Spinning Babies. This involved using 10 contractions to push my pelvis forward while Jordan pulled up my belly to give the baby room to turn. Next, we tried the peanut ball, laying on my side and opening my pelvis wide, as recommended by the nursing staff and midwives.
While studying information about posterior-positioned babies it became clear that Milly was turned 180deg from optimal position. 90% of babies turn during labor, but Milly was not turning, and this is what caused Danielle the severe back labor, as well as the lengthy 6-8 hour stall at 5cm dilated without progress. Perhaps this is how Danielle’s body carries babies, as Eliana was positioned the same way. All of this understanding prepared us with exercises to perform during labor to help the baby to turn, and rotate herself properly through the birth canal. Of course there’s no way of knowing how much these affected the outcome, but the results this time were vastly improved.
I was listening to my hypnobirthing tracks and trying to relax as much as possible but it was difficult. Around midnight, Ashley, the midwife on duty came in to check me. I was 5-6cm dilated. I was devastated. Before labor even started at 2pm I was 4cm and after all this time, hardly anything had happened. The contractions and back pain were intense and I felt like they had all been for naught. With Milly’s labor, I stalled at 5cm for at least 6 hours. I thought for sure I had another 18hours of labor ahead of me.
I quickly transitioned to real, hard labor. I don’t remember if I vomited before or after Ashley checked me, but it happened a few times from the pain. I remember being slightly concerned by the red hue, then thankfully remembering I had eaten tomato soup a few hours earlier. I changed positions on the peanut ball and this seemed to make the contractions angrier. I knew at this point that I had not been relaxing sufficiently during the earlier contractions and that this was impeding my progress. I focused as much as possible on relaxing through the pain. I didn’t think I could do it. Jordan had to remind me each contraction to relax and during each break to breathe and rest my body. His reminders were the only thing keeping me going.
It was during this time I kept making the mistake of giving Danielle emotional encouragement. She was smart and right to tell me exactly what she needed; it wasn’t emotional encouragement, but directional encouragement to remember the important things we had prepared for in advance for just this time. Those things were relaxing her body during the pain, relaxing her mind/body between contractions to rest, letting her body do the work it was designed to do, having trust/confidence in her body’s ability to give birth.
After a while on the peanut ball, I knew I needed a new position. I convinced the nurses to let me take a shower as I thought warm water might help relax me further. I never made it to the shower. All I knew was that I needed to be upside down. I bent over in the bathroom on all fours and I couldn’t believe it but I felt the urge to push. I could communicate none of this. Instead, I let out this deep, low moan. It was the most visceral sound I have ever heard. I couldn’t believe it was coming from me. The nurse realized what was happening (thankfully) and asked me if I felt the urge to push. I nodded. They took me back to the room and, presumably, someone called Ashley to come back.
When Danielle responded to the positive about her desire to push, I was incredulous and thought Danielle was losing her senses from all the pain she was enduring. But at the same time I positioned myself to catch the baby just in case. The noises she was making sounded just like the documentaries I had watched before so I recognized them as birthing sounds, which interestingly were different than the sounds Danielle made while birthing Milly.
I climbed onto the bed on all fours, as that is apparently my preferred pushing position. Jordan continued to provide counter pressure on my back with each contraction, and I continued with my low visceral moans. When Ashley arrived to asked me to roll over so she could do a pelvic exam and see where things were. I had just finished a contraction and was breathing hard. Jordan asked if we could wait until after the next one. At the next contraction, Ashley realized that a pelvic exam was not necessary. I was pushing this baby out.
At this time I could see the top of Eliana’s head! It was showing clearly now and I raced to tell Danielle, which just like Milly’s birth seemed to be a great encouragement to her. This was really happening!!
With each contraction I could feel my body opening up. I remember feeling a slight burning sensation – I remembered that many women report this when they are crowning. I thought, could I really be that far along already? It was only an hour ago that I was 6cm. Ashley told me to push with each contraction and to channel my energy down and to push the baby out. She told me if I reached down, I would be able to feel the head. I did. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I thought that what I was feeling was pushing the baby out, but I couldn’t believe how quickly things had changed.
I think after 3 or so more contractions, Eliana was out. It was like an out-of-body experience, but at the same time, it was the most in-tune with my body that I have ever been. I pushed for 7 minutes and she was born at 1:41am; this occurred less than 3 hours after I was measured at 5-6cm (only halfway to 10cm!). They passed Eliana to me and I laid with her on my chest until the cord stopped pulsing. Jordan cut the cord after a few minutes and we were all elated. Eliana nursed after only 20min earthside and we just enjoyed each other while the nurses cleaned up the area. The placenta came out a bit after that. I was surprised that I still had pain in my back but the contractions were much shorter, and I had my baby on my chest giving me all the cuddles.
I couldn’t believe how different this was from Milly’s birth. With the epidural, I could feel none of the pushing sensations. What really blows me away, is that at no point during the labor did I feel in control. Instead, my body was somehow communicating to me what I needed. It was like birth happened to me, instead of me giving birth. When I felt the “urge to push” there was no mistaking it. My body guided me to different positions throughout labor.
They say that women that give birth without pain relief end up “more satisfied” with their birthing experience. I had no idea what this meant. Now I do. The emotions that I felt after Eliana’s birth were extreme – pure bliss, joy, elation, like a high that I didn’t know was possible. I wrote this birth story on Day 4 of Eliana’s life. The joy that I felt at birth lingered for days, weeks even.
This type of birth experience is not always possible but I am so incredibly grateful I was able to experience this magical process once.
The World Esta Esperando 